there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize