I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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