She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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