After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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