Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
