OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
