Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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