Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
