omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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