I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
