Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
