When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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