VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
