just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
