i love accidental penises.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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