well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
