You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
