So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
