Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
