So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
