i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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