there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
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