We won't sleep together?
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
