Barsexuality is the new black.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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