hell yes lets make some ravioli
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
