oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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