I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
