apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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