I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize