dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
