I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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