My liver just broke up with me...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
