So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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