when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
