ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
