I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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