Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
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