do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize