umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
