all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
