Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize