well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
