I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
