my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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