sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
