I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
