Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
