my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I die, sorry about rent.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
