Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
