I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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