So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize