is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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