in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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