You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
