Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
