I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
We named our party play list daddy issues
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just found puke in my bra..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
