I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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