I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Someone shattered a urinal.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
I need a beard to bite.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize