Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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