I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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