My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
