I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize