It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
