Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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