her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
