we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
