Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
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